Monday, February 9, 2009

Lurking and Observing

I've just been in my own head for about a week now. Tied to the emotional power of the work I am making now, I find myself humbled by the power of myself. Not narcissistic, but aware of my intellectual ability, or at least my attempt at my scholarly self. I feel myself growing as an artist, as someone who is actually able to speak about the work that I am making in a professional capacity, but I find myself more detached - in more solitary situations. Moving through areas not commonly traveled permits me more time to myself, inside my own head, trying to figure out exactly what I am trying to say, and more importantly, "why am I here?" Why Milwaukee? Something just works for me here. However, in my personal success in clarity and growth as an artist, I find sadness in my lonesomeness, which just seems to propel my work farther. I remember a lecture from Jerry Saltz, New York art critic, who authorized the fact that being an artist is exactly that, being alone. So for my solitary state I am thankful, because it allows me more time inside my own head to make decisions that are crucial to my growth now, but I am left to wonder, does this mean that I can't be a successful artist if I am happy? Not saying I am successful now, but I feel more successful in this work than ever before. I feel like I am starting to get the big picture. More to come. Something more formal. Very soon.

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